Today is my 13th year anniversary of... still being alive! I've been in the School of Journalism here at YWAM Perth for the past 3 months, and I feel it's right to post my article... it truly explains my accident and the aftereffects, and how God's been a part of it all.
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Finding Blessing through Suffering
“What a great day,” Ann sighs as she feels the wind blow through her hair. She looks around and sees the mountains all around her. She is in a valley seated on a horse walking around a ring. Bowie. Bowie is his name. He is brand new to the barn so Ann was asked to get him ready for the summer. To get him accustomed to having strangers ride on his back.
As a newbie, Bowie also had to get used to living beside 42 other horses. Because of all of the campers who would be there in the summer, the horses often work five days a week with three to four trail rides each day. So, he better be prepared.
When getting on his back, Ann didn’t know what to expect. No one else at the camp had ever ridden him before.
But now Ann was feeling good as to how the day had gone. Bowie had actually done well. Sure, there were a few times when he would spring unexpectantly towards the open gate as if he wanted to get out of there to be on his own. Yet, each time, Ann was not afraid. She would strongly steer him back in the right direction.
And she could sigh because she wasn’t worried about the hundreds of campers that would get on his back this summer.
“How are you doing, Louis?” she looked back to her partner in the ring.
“Steely did a great job,” Louis said as he was on the horse behind her. “I’m surprised because I thought…”
A sudden break in time occurred. Steely had just bitten Bowie on the bum so he took off immediately. Ann wasn’t expecting this at all. She had turned to talk to Louis and because it was the end of the day, she had let go of everything and was only sitting on his back.
Bam! As she fell off his back, her head landed on a nearby fence. Instantly the blood began to stream down her face. There was so much blood because she wasn’t wearing a helmet.
9-1-1 was called as soon as possible. Because they were in the middle of the mountains, a helicopter had to come to take Ann to the hospital. During that flight, she was resuscitated, and once they took her off the helicopter, many emergency medical technicians and paramedics strived to keep her alive.
After being admitted into the hospital there were many things done to keep Ann breathing, and through testing they determined she didn’t have anything other than an injury on her brain. After some analyzation, they discovered a piece of the skull needed to be removed to let the brain swell. If her brain had room to swell, she would most likely recover. If not, she would probably die.
After that surgery went well, they kept Ann in a coma for the first five to six weeks to prevent her from feeling the pain and trauma her body was experiencing. When they brought her out of the coma, she was instructed to have several types of therapy each day. Physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy—those were the areas concentrated on. Each came as a challenge because she had to learn how to do everything over again—her brain did not remember anything immediately.
But after three months, it was time to give Ann another surgery—to put her skull back in place. The swelling had gone down, and she had regained a good amount of capability in all those areas. She thought life would just go back to normal, right?
Not quite. That accident changed her life.
And actually Ann is me. Christie Ann Smith. Truthfully, by being the writer, and even though it’s been incredibly difficult since then, I can now look back and be in awe of God’s hand in and through everything.
God gave me grace by letting that incident occur a few hours away from home so my parents were able to drive there quickly. Initially, there were a few other options as to what type of surgery to preform, and with my parents praying in the hospital chapel, they were able to support the one that occurred. And I can say now that was a wise decision.
But prayer didn’t stop there.
My aunt created a blog to daily announce what was going on and to state how anyone could pray. On one of the beginning days, she posts: “What we have learned is that Christie is not only in God's hands but also in the hands of some very talented brain surgeons; if she had to be thrown from a horse, this was the place to do it.” I was placed in the Neuro Trauma Center at that hospital, which had a state-of-the-art treatment for injuries on the brain. And of course I did not choose where to have a Traumatic Brain Injury, but God did.
On top of that, the hospital I was permitted into is called Mission Hospital, which is completely ironic as right now I am working and studying at a Christian missions organization: YWAM, or Youth With A Mission.
And actually when I heard about the second surgery to my skull, I was overjoyed. By not having fully recovered yet, as I mentioned, I thought everything would instantly go back to normal. I would be able to walk, move my arms, remember everything—as usual. Yet, when I recovered from surgery, I realized that wasn’t true. I still had to relearn so much. Here I was: stuck at home, multiple therapies every week, couldn’t read quickly, struggling with speech, my friends away at college. And there was no outlook as to what I was going to do in the future. I began to wish I had just died that day. That the helicopter hadn’t gotten there in time. That I hadn’t been breathed into. Or that the surgery had failed.
However, looking back now I am truly thankful God kept me alive. I am so thankful I was in the right place and at the right time. God blessed me in so many ways that I wouldn’t have expected or have been able to choose. Granted I had to go to therapy for years to help in all those areas: speech, occupational and physical. Most I have regained significantly, which is one reason I’m able to write this article, but the right side of my body tends to be slower to respond to what my brain tells it to do. That explains why I limp and am primarily left-handed now.
Another sad after effect are seizures, and I will never welcome those. As of today, exactly 13 years since my accident, I’ve had a total of 12 seizures. They’ve all happened sporadically and unexpectantly. Each time I believe I’m done with them, I take a sigh of relief. But then, surprise! Another one comes. The TBI Model Systems directors state that more than half of the people with epilepsy, or those with more than one seizure, will have this problem for their whole lives. All I can say is that God is to be glorified each time. I have survived each one, even though I drove into a nearby building unconsciously once. Every time, I feel there have been instances when I’ve been able to share a little of God’s Word or His impact on my life with others, and I’m grateful for that.
Certainly, it is because of all these things, and many more, I have seen God’s work through and with my Traumatic Brain Injury, or TBI. And yet, I am not alone. I have heard of many others who have been through a hardship, and yet they still praise God. Here are two others—with each having a TBI as well.
A man named Bruce Eather is right now on staff for Youth With A Mission, or YWAM. He became a believer at a very young age, but as the years progressed, he strayed from his faith. Around the age of 19, he was at a dam with some friends, and they had some alcohol. While he hadn’t indulged in alcohol, he jumped in a 4-wheel drive with them. On their drive, they hit an area that caused the truck to flip on top of them. Bruce jumped out the side as he was thinking he would get out before the crash. The others stayed in the truck, which is truly a miracle since the truck merely rolled on top of them, barely causing any injuries. Right after his lunge, Bruce looked down the hill and was feeling very grateful as it seemed nothing had happened to the other guys. But then blood began to come down his face and he blacked out.
That led to four days in the hospital, a few days at home and then taken back to the hospital for surgery to put a plate in his head. Again after five days, he went home for three months of recovery. Previously Bruce had been working as a mechanic, and even after his injury, he strove to go back to work. He returned to work having to wear football head gear to cover the 56 staples in his head. Hence, he is another one who had a TBI.
Looking back now, he wouldn’t say that particular event is any sign of God’s work. It didn’t cause him to strongly follow Christ again. He had trouble regaining his senses, and he still struggles with short term memory loss. Regardless, he attests that “without mom praying for me, I’d be dead.”
And yet he still sees God work through other hardships. He had another accident when he was thrown off a motor bike. At that moment, he felt himself coughing up blood. By continually praying “God heal me, God heal me” over and over again, he felt the voice of God saying, “This is not good, but trust me.” They diagnosed him with “hangman’s fracture,” or a severe spinal cord injury, which is often fatal. But out of his faith, he began to tell the healthcare staff, who were tying up his hands and feet, about Christ. He was sent through many tests and scans, and his friends who were there say they witnessed him physically becoming better throughout that time. During his last scan, the doctor overseeing his case was shocked. Her face was completely blank. She couldn’t see anything wrong with him. He walked himself out of the hospital and shared the gospel with everyone he came in contact with. Before the accident, he had been planning on going on a missions trip to India with a church group. And shockingly, even after all that, he still went.
God has brought him through all types of accidents and now he says, “God, I trust you, and whether you do or you don’t heal me, I just pray that you open a door for me to minister to people.” Therefore, his perspective is the same as Paul’s in Philippians 1:20, “As it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honoured in my body, whether by life or by death” (ESV).
Another incident where blessings can be seen through hardships is that of Christian Fritze. He also has had to face the challenges and disruptions in life that came from an injury to the brain. His faith began when he was merely 13 years old. Yet when he was 16, he flew off his skateboard. He doesn’t remember anything about it, but after he was taken to the hospital of his hometown, he was flown to Sydney where they diagnosed him with a TBI.
Comparable to Bruce, he had a craniotomy, where they removed the whole front half of his skull and then replaced it with an acrylic plate, which is secured in place with screws. Christian was in the hospital in Sydney for about 3 months, where he experienced the ICU, multiple surgeries, close observation and rehabilitation. He was in a coma, had a cardiac arrest and underwent rehabilitation to read and write again. Currently, he still faces the trauma of having one completely blind eye and the loss of his sense of smell. Through it all though, he can still say “God’s got me here for a purpose.”
He feels he was brought to a very strong state of humility. Due to his blindness, he can’t drive and because of his inability to drive, he has lost much of his independence—like going to the beach or to a movie on his own. He even says that sometimes, he is almost overcome with sadness. And yet, at the end of the day, he says he’s thankful for his accident in a way—not at all for the aftereffects—but for the changes it’s made in his life and the new perspective it has given him—an “eternal perspective.” He now can say:
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison (2 Corinthians 4:16-17, ESV).
Along with these two people and myself, there are quite a few people I have met who had a brain injury as well. Moreover, unfortunately, brain injury isn’t uncommon. The Journal of Neurosurgery attests that sixty-nine million individuals worldwide are believed to have a TBI each year. It also says the amount of TBI incidences are the highest in the U.S., Canada and Europe. The Brain Trauma Foundation asserts that a TBI is the leading cause of death and disability in children and adults from ages 1 to 44. According to the Centre for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the leading causes for a TBI are shown in the following pie chart:
By looking only at Australia, the Australian Bureau of Statistics says that more than 700,000 Australians have a TBI each year. Two out of three of these people acquired the brain injury before they were 25 years old, and three out of four are male.
Due to all these statistics and further information, there is a difference if one sees it from God’s eyes. He is not the one who made this world dark and dismal. With letting sin come in, it was our fault that we let it become so, and it is through the darkness, as well as the devil wanting to ruin us, that troubles keep happening. But now I can honestly say the devil has not succeeded in ruining me. God has given me strength to make it through. I see blessings through my suffering, and I want Him to use me to show that. I want God to give me this mindset: “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me… For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9–10, ESV).
Looking back at this whole incident when my life was threatened, I can truthfully say I am now thankful it occurred. I probably wouldn’t have said that one or two years ago. When looking at just the after effects, I am not rejoicing. But I can truly say I am thankful for who it’s made me today… or for who God’s made me become today. He has changed my life and made me rely on Him through everything.
But when it comes to suffering, there is no way anyone can compare to what Christ did for us. All of the incidents and aftereffects caused by my accident are nothing compared to what Christ went through. To imagine what He went through on the cross for our sake makes my occurrences seem extremely minimal; not even worth mentioning. I shiver at the thought of having nails struck into my wrists or being whipped an incredible amount of times. He is the only one that can make the darkness around us turn to light. And He lets that light be eternal. I am overwhelmingly grateful for that. That is the true blessing for us… through Christ’s suffering.